My dearest friends and family,
I have been trying to figure out which way to send this letter out to you. I had thought of sending this letter just to my closest friends on FaceBook (FB) individually or post this on my blog and share it on FB for my friends and family to read. I decided to post on my blog and for those who know me well enough and are interested in reading this post, this will explain why I have been a little bit distant and depressed for a while.
To start and to let everyone know I had no intention and was not trying to be mean to you at all. I wasn't even trying not to ignore you at all. But in short or long, my husband (Frank) was let go from his job, back in April. We have been struggling with money finances ever since than. It now has been 3 months since Frank was let go. During those three months, Frank has been looking ro another job, but there has been no luck at all. Frank has been getting the interviews, but still no hire/job. Money here at home is starting to run tightwith us. Frank is getting unemployment, but it is not enough to keep us fed or to pay rent. We just barely made rent this month, by turning to certain family members for help. We are also turning to our Bishop in our ward for help with other resources, such as food, some help with bills and whatever else we are lacking. Both Frank and I are looking for jobs, Frank is looking more harder than I am, but I too am looking. I hope that something does come through for noe of us, but more for Frank.
As for me, I'm kind-of hoping that I don't get a job because I do not want to go back to work. I would like to do something else and one of the reasons why I don't want to go back to work, mainly there are a few times I don't get enough help with my housework and I cannot afford to pay anyone to help me at all. Another reason, for not going back to work, ever since my surgery, having my gallbladder and 20% of my pancreaus removed in 2008, I was given 6 months to recover. During that time of recovery, I ended up getting comfortable staying home, so I continued to stay home for the past 3 years. I like staying home and I enjoy it so much, not to mention that Frank and I are a bit old-fashioned that the male should work and the Female should stay home. Also, Frank does not force me to go back to work unless I want to work. While staying at home, I like cleaning my apartment at my own pace. I also, like to cook home-made meals, working on projects that are passed do/due and starting new projects to give as gifts for Birthdays and Christmas time. I even like when time is allowed to catch up on my reading. Another reason why I like to stay home is more for health reasons, because of my surgery and after my surgery, my body has slowed down quite a bit and with me being a diabetic, taking insulin and other medications does not always help much.
So, that is the reason why I have been distant and depressed. When money runs tight with Frank and I, I do have a way of shutting people out for awhile. I do have some friends to talk to and than some I can't talk to about this. The friends I really would like to talk to, lives in a different state and sometimes it is hard to talk to them. I sometimes wish they lived closer to me. Another friend that I have to talk to, does listen to me, and I try not to dump my problems on this friend, but I slip and let things out that I shouldn't let out. Although, he has been helping us out and giving us some leads that is helpful for us to find jobs and anything else that would help Frank and I out. I am very grateful for this friend here in Utah and for the help that is provided.
On another note and this can be a cry out, but I don't care and it is somewhat a bit of good news. Before I get too deep into my cry out, I do have the right to cry, especially when something special comes up. Maybe I also have the right to beg and plea. Next week is my birthday, July 7th, I made a birthday wish, because I figured that My Christmas wish last year didn't come true, so I was hoping that my birthday wish might or should come true. The Birthday wish that I made was on or after my birthday that I ge a small little party and to spend one whole day with two friends and Frank. I want no gifts, just to spend time with my two friends and Frank. Well, it has been known to me that my birthday wish is not going to happen at all. Now that I know that I won't get my birthday wish, I don't feel like celebrating my birthday at all. I am also not looking forward to my birthday and now my new wish is that, I wish I could skip my birthday and not turn a year older atl all.
Well, I have done enough for now and I do hope that most of my friends and family on FB can
forgive me for not saying anything sooner and for being distant. It is hard when there is no money coming in at all. Also, sorry for this being long, but than again that is why I have this blog, to let out my feelings and frustrations.
Love Your Friend and Family,
Sara M. M.
No comments:
Post a Comment